Other days

      Today was a depressing day for me. First, I was woken up by the people I'm staying with and that was fine with me. They turned the TV on and left, leaving me to watch what was showing. The title to the movie that was showing is “Tommy Boy.” It’s fairly old but very funny. I watched this movie when it was new with my ex-husband.

     I am still in love with my ex-husband and miss him a lot. We were together for six and a half years. The reason we are not together now is because he didn’t want any children and I did. That alone was worth losing him and everything else that we had worked hard for, at the time. But now I look back and it wasn’t worth it because I still don’t have any children. We’ve been split up now for almost eleven years.

     I can‘t figure out why I still miss him and long to be with him now.  Is it because I’m lonely and getting older? Am I crazy? I think maybe I’m a little of both. I’m afraid that what I felt for him, I won’t be able to feel for someone else. I don’t know what to do about it. I know my attitude tells others that I’m not interested. That’s partially because of how I feel about my weight.  

     Others can pick that I am not completely happy with myself from the invisible vibes that I put off when they are around me particularly men. I have a plan and I hope I can stick with it this time to do something about my weight. I know I have to make myself happy before I can get with someone else. I know that someone else can only add to my happiness but not make me happy. My plan starts on March the 1^st and I’ll be posting the results in weeks to come.